BROOKLYN, New York. Divorce is tough enough, but if it comes after your partner has cheated on you, it can be especially devastating. Not only are you dealing with the fallout from a failed marriage, but you might also be trying to get divorced in the midst of quite a bit of anger and resentment. How can you navigate this difficult time, while staying sane, and not trying to take revenge on your partner during the divorce? Here are some tips:
- Before you file for divorce, process your emotions. Yes, you might want to draft up the paperwork the same day you learn your partner is cheating, but this may not be the best idea. Filing for divorce before you have dealt with your most potent emotions can make your divorce far more difficult. Rather than rationally thinking about dividing your assets, debts, and developing a parenting plan that is in your children’s best interests, you might unintentionally use the divorce as a way to work through your emotions. This won’t necessarily be healthy for you, for your children, or for your pocketbook. So, before you file, take some time to vent to friends and family, seek counseling, cry. Then, reach out to the family lawyers at the Elliot Green Law Offices in Brooklyn, New York.
- Feel your feelings. Cheating can make you feel unsafe or that you’ll never be able to trust another person again. This is normal. Let yourself be angry, hurt, and sad. If you’re having trouble processing these emotions, talk to a counselor or therapist.
- Cheating doesn’t always lead to divorce. Sometimes cheating is the final straw in a series of problems that a relationship has had for years. In some cases, both partners can use the episode as an opportunity to address issues in the relationship that may not have been spoken about. Yet, if you’ve gone to counseling and still can’t forgive or trust your partner, it might be better to get divorced than to continue in a relationship where there’s no trust or peace.
- Avoid social media. If you’ve been cheated on, you may be tempted to search through your partner’s digital trail or post disparaging remarks online, but according to a psychologist writing for Vice, this only increases your mistrust and, if you are getting divorced, it puts the focus on your ex. Take this time to work on yourself and think about why the relationship wasn’t working. You might realize you’re better off without him/her. Try to avoid comparing yourself to the other woman or man. People cheat for many reasons. The new person in your partner’s life probably doesn’t know your partner at their worst. If the cheater is moving on to this new relationship, he or she will likely be carrying the issues of your relationship into the new one. Be grateful that you’ll be able to move forward with a relatively clean slate and the luxury of time to reflect on what went wrong.
- Resist destructive tendencies. According to the Huffington Post, damaging your partner’s property will only hurt you during the divorce. Whether the property is shared or just his, if you damage it, you may have to pay for it later.
- Try not to make poor decisions out of anger or grief. Give yourself time. Move out. Divide your things. Make decisions about how you’ll be good co-parents to your kids. Look forward, not back.
If you have discovered that your partner has been unfaithful and are considering divorce, do your research and prepare yourself before serving papers. The Elliot Green Law Offices in Brooklyn, New York are family lawyers who work with clients who are ready to move forward with their lives.
Elliot Green Law Offices
32 Court Street, Suite 404
Brooklyn, NY 11201